I have not yet finished my goal setting for the coming year. I need to feel that the juju is just right before I break out my magic moleskine and light my special candle (coconut and elderflower scented – definitely the scent of success!!) and so far, the right mood just hasn’t struck me.
However, one goal that I know will be on my list (it always is) is meditation. ‘Develop a meditation habit’. Along with ‘reach goal weight’, this little beauty is a repeat appear-er (or repeat offender) on my list of New Year’s resolutions. I have spoken about my meditation battles in the past.
As always, I believe that this year will be different.
However, unlike previous years, I am actually going to approach this baby from a different perspective this time (what is it that Einstein said? That to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is the definition of Jessica?!)
Anyway. I am reading Danielle LaPorte’s wonderful The Desire Map. And she asks you to focus on your ‘core desired feelings’. If you work towards feeling those desired feelings every single day, then you will be creating a more fulfilling life for yourself, regardless of whether you actually become the Gold Medal Winner or Editor-in-Chief or General King Ding-a-ling.
Why is it that I want to develop ye olde meditation habit?
Because sometimes when I do it, I feel amazing.
Because sometimes when I do it, I know that I am a better person.
Because sometimes when I do it – just sometimes – I feel bliss. I reach my very innards in a way that electrifies me and calms me and ‘whole-ifies’ me. In a way that is so singular yet universal, and entirely, frustratingly ineffable. All at the same time.
But I suppose, mainly, it is because I want to feel centred. I want to feel calm and peaceful and present. I want to feel that I am fully living in the present, and meditation has always been a wonderful tool to help me do that. Even if I have raged and railed and struggled against it from time to time.
So this year, I am going to develop a meditation habit because I desire the feeling of calm, peaceful centredness. Not because I think I should. Not because I need to. Not because my grandfather had Alzheimers and studies have shown that meditation increases brain health/power/longevity and bloody-well-just-do-it-already-you-procrastinating-idiot-of-a-time-bomb. (Yes, because if self-guilt and self-placation don’t work, you should definitely try self-beration. It’s super fun and garuanteed to work!)
I’m going to do it because I desire to feel centred and peaceful and myself.
This month, I am attending a group meditation session and I am meditating everyday for five minutes. Because goddammit if anything but babysteps just leave me feeling overwhelmed right now! But five minutes I can do, five minutes I can handle. Starting small seems like the way to go. And I am doing it for a feeling.
I will keep you posted.